Down down down, we're all going down.

So, after 2 months of life on the new diet/lifestyle all three of us who are in the competition are down from our starting points. as a group, we've lost close to 25 pounds. I myself am down 8.6 pounds. I'm proud of myself, but at the same time, I'm not happy with as far as I've come. I feel like I should be doing better. Like I should exercise more or eat better, etc. But, I guess I'm always going to be my own worst critic. Anyway, here's my stats chart for the year.

I bought a pair of jeans last weekend that fit, but man, they're tight. They are the perfect length to wear with boots or heels. I love them, and they were on super sale. So, I bought them, and I have worn them, albeit I was uncomfortable. So, it's my goal to be in them, comfortably, within the next month or so. I would like to be back to my prepregnancy size by my birthday. That's about 20 pounds away, and with about 14 weeks, I think I can do it.

In the meantime, all three of us "biggest losers" are going down!

Parenting

My hubby and I had a date tonight and we had some interesting discussions. We agreed with each other and it wasn't insanely active discussion, but my major discussion point was this: If your child had a problem with something, i.e. drugs or alcohol, wouldn't you do everything in your power to help him or her? And beyond that, wouldn't you go out of your way to make sure that your child wasn't exposed to those types of things during their recovery?

For example:
A teenager (we'll say this teen is maybe 17 or 18 years old) develops a drug and alcohol addiction. A parent, who is aware of the addiction, takes their child out to dinner for a birthday celebration and orders a few beers (for themself, the parent. Not for the kid.). How does that make sense? I understand that an adult has the right to enjoy alcoholic beverages if they so choose, but as a parent, I would think that making a decision to abstain in front of my addicted child would only be in the best interest of everyone. Sure the recovery is going to be riddled with exposure to substances, but why put it in front of the person intentionally? Does anybody see my point here?

I then said that the same applies for an adult. I have people close to me who are recovering alcoholics. Knowing that their sobriety is important to them I respect them enough to not consume alcohol in front of them or when I know I am going to be around them. I guess to me it's courteous to not shove it in their faces that they are trying to avoid something that is going to cause them hell (or has already caused them hell).

More examples:
- Would you take a person who is on a strict diet and is making an effort to be healthy to an all you can eat buffet where you proceed to chow down and eat anything and everything in sight (including each of the 15 options for dessert) and tell them they can only get lettuce, no dressing?
- Would you take a sex addict to a strip bar and tell them not to look?
You get where I'm going with this...

So, to sum it up, I suppose that Eric and I were really discussing respect for others and how humanity anymore seems to not have any respect for each other. We intentionally trample on the feelings and concerns of others because it suits our needs. Take the alcoholic teen I referred to earlier. The parent could have just as easily ordered a pop or water or tea and shown support for the teen's attempts at sobriety. If that parent chose to drink an alcoholic beverage at another time, so be it. But an hour of dinner without a drink in the presence of their child isn't that much to ask. Or is it?

And another thing...
I'm mommy and Eric is daddy. We are the ones who determine what is best for our child. If we feel that she is set in a routine and is established in the way things are done in our family and our home, then that is what we will be doing. There is no reason to cause our child undue stress while adding financial strains to our already shoestring budget just because someone thinks that our child needs to be in a certain environment (which might I add she has never been in up to this point).

Case in point:
I was told that Olivia should be in day care 5 days a week, even though we really only need child care for two, possibly three days a week (every Tuesday and Thursday, and every other Monday). Eric and I are curious to understand how it makes sense to take her out of our home when he is already here to care for her. If she were in day care 5 days a week, what would Eric do while she is at day care and he is at home? She has been in this routine since she first started day care with Lacey at the tender age of 6 weeks old. This IS her routine. She doesn't need a 5 day a week routine. That's not what she's used to. *sigh*

Again, we just want to do what is best for our doll baby.

Olivia and I are going to interview another provider on Monday. Lacey is absolutely fabulous and we are incredibly torn up about not having her as a provider anymore but Mommy can't handle the drive to and from West Point anymore, and it's not fair to Olivia. When I worked in Fort Madison, it was better, but it's getting to be too much. Especially with the weather starting to warm up now. We are going to want to be outside and doing things and we just get home to late to do much together. So, we've been looking for a new provider in Keokuk (because Dan and Lacey aren't moving to Keokuk. Ever.). The lady we are going to talk with on Monday will be the fourth person we've talked with. I just really want to find a place where Olivia fits in and where I feel comfortable with her being. I want an environment that has kids her age and an adult who interacts with all of the kids and is really involved in their activities throughout the day. Is all of that so much to ask? :)

So, I guess I'll sum it up by saying that I just want the best for my daughter. I want her to know respect for others. I want her to learn and grow in a happy environment where she is supported by the people around her. If she has a struggle in her life (such as addiction like I was mentioning earlier), I want to support her and help her find possibilities to overcome her obstacles. I do not want to set obstacles in front of her. I want my daughter to enjoy life and the world around her. It is going to be hard enough for her to grow up. Why place more obstacles in front of her that she doesn't have to face?

Why do that to any child? But of course, we're not the world's parents...

Housewifery

So I have a problem with myself...I often feel like I'm lazy when it comes to homemaking. I can make myself do the things that need to be done, but I put if off and put it off for as long as humanly possible and see if Eric will do it. : /

From a seminar I took, I remember the following: "You either have your reasons, stories, and excuses, or you have the results you want." and "If your beliefs don't line up with your actions, you need to realign either your actions or your beliefs." To put it bluntly, I have been making excuses for not doing things around the house. My back hurts, I've been working all week, Olivia is fussy, blah blah blah. I wasn't getting the results I wanted. I wanted to believe that I was a good mom and wife, but my actions weren't creating that. So...

Today, I decided that in order to be a good mom and wife, I need to take care of my family and my home. This is not at all to say that I don't expect Eric to help or for Olivia to have chores when the time comes, but I need to pull myself together and take care of my home and the people in it.

Eric left for work around 6:15, so I started with getting up at a decent hour (around 8:30am) and not trying to force Olivia to sleep in. We got up, made breakfast and then got straight to work. I loaded the dishwasher and got it started and Olivia "helped." We did several loads of laundry together. I would hand Olivia something and she would put it in the dryer. It was so cute. I vacuumed, Olivia hated that. I cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and downstairs bathroom floors, and she hated that too. I'm patting my own back here but I really did do a lot today. Especially compared to my usual routine of sitting around and doing nothing all day. I cooked all of the food we ate and didn't just pull something out of a package.

Really what I did today was realign my belief that I am a good wife and mother by making my actions reflect that. Sounds cheesy and "programy" but it's the truth. I feel good about the fact that I did things to take care of my home and that Eric will have a clean house and clean laundry to come home to in the morning after working a 24 hour shift. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it might make our Sunday better because we don't have to be trying to catch up and get ready for the coming week.

Eric and I split our household duties most of the time but it really is nice to just take care of it so we can relax as a family. I will say this much though, I don't think I could be a stay at home mom. Having cleaned so much in the house today and knowing how much more there is that still could have been done, I don't think I could keep my sanity in this mad house if I didn't have somewhere else to be (work). I love my job and couldn't imagine not being there. I'm torn sometimes though about not being home enough for Olivia, even though I only work until 5. That's a whole other day though.

Right now though, I'm going to go put away laundry because that's my last housewifey thing to do tonight.

Such is the life of a mother and wife. And I'm so glad it's my life.

I welcome the warmth of sleep

I have been sleeping like absolute crap this entire week. I toss and turn all night and can never get comfortable. I can't sleep on my stomach because it kills my back. Sleeping on one side or the other will only last for a little bit because then my hips start to hurt. I can sleep on my back but then my unconscious thinks I'm vulnerable or something ridiculous. There is nothing in my environment that is keeping me from staying asleep. I'm warm, I'm dressed comfortably in my fabulous pj's, etc. I'm not eating weird or having heartburn. I just can't stay asleep.
Last night I was having a dream about my Dad's old house, the one he lived in right after my parents divorce. It ended up with me setting the place on fire and throwing grenades around in the attic. It was insanely disturbing and I work up screaming. I had another dream too but the only thing I remember about it was that it was scary. And I've been seeing things in my room as I'm falling asleep.
The only time I'm really able to get rest is through a nap during the day. It's really wearing on me that I can't get rested when I sleep.
That's all for now.

Sno-way! (Code: It's crappy outside so let's make pancakes)

Yes, I'm snowed in. Our car is in the Aldi's parking lot because on Eric's way home from work, he found the side roads completely impassible and just parked it and got a 4X4 to drive him the rest of the way home. We have shoveled to the street and to the garage, but we have no way to get anywhere. That's ok. We'll be fine. We have food and the house is warm.
Eric actually got stuck at work last night. The plows had stopped running because of the white out conditions and they just couldn't stay ahead of the blowing and drifting. He said that the drift around the car kept him from going anywhere even if the highway had been plowed. So, he got home around 9...almost 11 hours after his shift should have ended. Once he got home, we started the dig out process.
Meanwhile, Olivia and I spent yesterday in the living room reading books...lots of books. Most of the reading was the same couple of books over and over. Today is about the same. Eric is entertaining Olivia because she is tired of looking at me!
I really don't have much else to post about. Just a boring ho-hum day. Oh, but I did try Molli's pancake recipe this morning. It was pretty tasty. So, I thought I'd share the recipe I use for pumpkin pancakes.

Pumpkin Pancakes

• 1 1/2 cups milk
• 1 1/2 cups pumpkin puree
• 1 egg
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 tablespoons vinegar
• 2 cups all-purpose flour (or whole wheat flour or a mixture of the two)
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• (or instead of the allspice, cinnamon, and ginger, use 3 tsp pumpkin pie spice)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions

1. In a bowl, mix together the milk, pumpkin, egg, oil and vinegar. Combine the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and salt in a separate bowl. Stir into the pumpkin mixture just enough to combine.
2. Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

They're super yummy with or without syrup and they freeze easily for reheating on the go.

Speaking of breakfast foods...Olivia has fallen in love with blueberry whole grain waffles. I myself find them totally delicious and might go get one now for a snack. What is it with me and breakfast this week? I've had at least three omelets (made with egg beaters) since Saturday and the pancakes and waffles today. Hmmm... whatever it is, it's yummy.

See you in real life!